New York Times

My darling friend Rebecca and I were recently discussing the New York Time’s complete inability to remain impartial no matter how frivolous the situation. The smallest incident is brilliantly pointed out by the NYT staff and connected flawlessly to Bush’s ever growing conspiracy against the American people. In an effort to do my part, I have written a brief article:

A black house cat in New Jersey was caught in a tree for six hours before being rescued by a fireman last Tuesday. The fireman had been in the area already, saving various white cats from their lofty tree-top positions before finally reaching the black cat. The poor cat’s distress was, of course, the fault of the Evil-Nazi-Bush-Regime, which will destroy us all.

Hilary Clinton gave a moving speech immediately after the incident, powerfully showing how Bush blatantly discriminates against poor little kitties. According to our Beloved Goddess, the United States might as well be a giant plantation where kitties are forced to pick cotton while the evil Conservative warlords whip their fluffy little backs.

Look for the published version in the next issue of the New York Times.